So recently, I came across a post on Facebook where a woman was sharing how she was struggling with having all these goals and aspirations…. yet, found herself getting nothing done.
She tried countless things, yet nothing worked and she was asking for more suggestions from others.
As I read her post, I couldn't help think that no matter what tool, tactic or strategy she tried, she'll still struggle to show up and take action towards her goals.
The truth is, nothing anyone suggests will work for her long term unless she first identifies and understands the hidden benefits she gets from maintaining her 'problem' of not taking action,
This hidden benefit of maintaining behaviours that don’t serve you, is something known as a secondary gain. A concept I learnt from one of my mentors.
What secondary gain means is that there are hidden benefits or advantages for maintaining your particular issue, circumstance, or situation. There's a gain for doing or not doing a certain task. And oftentimes this gain is unconscious to you.
You may not even know you're doing it nor are you aware you have a benefit for remaining stuck.
I invite you to look at areas you feel stuck and not taking action.
Look at where you're trying to achieve your goals, but feel like your 'sabotaging' yourself.
What benefits do you get from this?
Remember, you ARE INDEED getting some benefit or else you’d take action and do what you need to do.
It could be the benefit of protecting your self image (if you don't try, you won't fail and look bad, therefore the benefit of self preservation). Or the benefit of security by staying in your comfort zone and doing only what’s familiar and predictable.
By recognizing that you’re indeed getting a benefit, you gain awareness of the motivation driving your behaviour. From there you can work towards resolving it.
You can also compare this secondary gain to your primary gain (the results you consciously want) and decide which is more important to you, and commit to it!
However, without first digging into your secondary gain, you'll have a hard time showing up and doing what it takes to get the outcomes and results you want and deserve.
p.s. These are the types of things we dig into monthly... if you want to join the party, then hop on over to the Dream Life + Business Membership today!
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