I recently had a conversation with someone who was struggling with a personal relationship. She felt stuck in a pattern of frustration and resentment because of a particular person and their behaviour.
As I later thought about her predicament, it became clear that she had a story about this relationship, and the story kept repeating itself over and over again.
She had unmet expectations from the person, which triggered her. This resulted in feelings of anger and resentment. It’s funny; she even mentioned how she’s been doing the work, like gratitude journaling, exercising and staying positive, however she just could not shake it.
The thing is this; she could not shake her feeling because although she was ‘doing’ everything in her spiritual toolbox, she was not ‘being’ it. When you focus on being that which you want (in her case peace and happiness), you naturally attract that in your environment.
It’s also important to point out that peace and happiness are internal conditions, so if that is what she wanted, she could have chosen to be it. Consequently, she was living by circumstance and not by choice.
How many times have you allowed something outside of you to influence your thoughts, feelings and actions? When you constantly allow others to dictate the way you feel and act, you lose your power. You end up being at their mercy, which is a disempowered place to be.
One of the strongest places to come from is detaching from the expectation of others. I’m one for using my expectations to manifest things into my life, but where this fails is when you put expectations on others. You can't control what others do, but you can control your reaction.
What was evident was the judgement she was making on the other person, and her stories around it. The more she judged, and retold the story, the worse she felt. She needed to step back, release the judgement, and tell herself a new story (consistently), because the current story was not serving her.
This is the choice we can make anytime we find ourselves stuck in a negative pattern. We can choose the story and meaning we give it. And when we're able to live from this place, is when we'll experience true freedom.
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